The Village - What is the after-school restraint collapse and how to prepare for it
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What is the after-school restraint collapse and how to prepare for it
By Lizzie Assa
If you have a school-aged child, you’ve most likely experienced the after-school restraint collapse. You know, the one where your kid is on their best behavior all day and then comes home and completely falls apart? Yeah, that one.
This collapse is completely normal! School is exhausting and it can only be expected that your child may have a meltdown as soon as you pick them up.
When this meltdown happens, it’s important to let your child decompress and regroup. Skip the playdates, the trip to the zoo, or a crowded grocery store after school. Instead, go home.
If you’re unsure how to go about helping your child out emotionally when you get home, let’s talk about it.
“I think it’s important to note that this collapse is different from a tantrum”
Why you should expect restraint collapse (and not take it personally)
As a parent, it is so easy to take anything your child does personally. This after-school restraint collapse is no different. You’ve been waiting all day to see your little one and can’t wait to get to hug them and find out everything about their day!
You go to pick them up and the second they see you they fly off the rails. Just as I mentioned earlier, this is NORMAL! Your child has had a long day. They have been working so hard to keep their behavior in check and follow all of the new rules they’ve had to learn. Not to mention, they’ve likely been overstimulated all day by their environment and being around so many other kids. They need to let it all out at some point, and since you are their safe space, you become the punching bag.
I think it’s important to note that this collapse is different from a tantrum. Yes, they are tired, ornery, and you feel terrible about it. They are experiencing an emotional overwhelm. Give them space, time, rest, and food.
For help supporting your child to cope with frustration, check out this blog post.
Have a nutrient-dense snack ready
In the beginning days of school, your child most likely won’t eat much at lunchtime. Eating and drinking are social in nature, and children tend to just nibble until they are comfortable.
When they get home, they are going to be HUNGRY. And we all know that children (and even adults for that matter) can become angry when they need something to eat.
Prepare for this by being one step ahead and having a healthy snack ready for them as soon as they get home.
An easy way to prepare for this is by having some ready-to-go snacks already in the fridge so as soon as you get home it’s there waiting for them. Need some healthy snack ideas that are quick and easy? Try these:
- Veggies and hummus
- Apples and peanut butter
- Hard-boiled eggs
- Homemade trail mix
- Deli meat with cheese and crackers
“One of my favorite activities to suggest trying in the middle of the afternoon is a bath.”
Sensory play is your friend
A fantastic way to help your child decompress is by introducing them to sensory play! Sensory play is beneficial in a lot of different ways, but in this instance, we are doing it for the calming factor.
One of my favorite activities to suggest trying in the middle of the afternoon is a bath. It may seem unconventional to draw a bath mid-day, but trust me. Throw in some bubbles and your kid’s favorite (bath-friendly) toys and let them soak and play. Not only will they love it, but it will help them unwind and you’ll have one less thing to worry about at bedtime - win-win!
Another great sensory play option is putting together a toy washing station! This takes less than 5 minutes to set up with items that you most likely already have laying around the house.
It’s important to let your child practice playing by themself! Individual play in general supports your kid in more ways than you can imagine. As they play solo, they relax and learn a sense of independence. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That sounds great, but my child won’t play with their toys for more than 5 minutes”, read this blog post for some ideas on how to get your child to play independently with the toys that they already have!
It can be overwhelming for both you and your child when it’s time for them to head to school. My Handbook for Starting Preschool was created for just this and is sure to provide a smooth transition for you and your little one.
For more support and tips related to this topic, join The Workspace for Children community on Instagram! Let’s parent together.
Hi, I’m Lizzie Assa, the founder of The Workspace for Children. I am a parenting strategist, play advocate, and a mom of three creative kids. I am ANTI perfectionist-parenting and all about that growth mindset! My goal is to help parents avoid burnout by bringing back play. Parenting burnout is the worst, and it doesn’t have to be that way. I am a child development nerd and I love open ended art and play. I love learning from children and creating art and play experiences to challenge their thinking. Prior to founding The Workspace for Children, I received an MsED from the Bank Street College of Education in NYC and taught nursery school in Manhattan.
LEARN
What is the after-school restraint collapse and how to prepare for it
By Lizzie Assa
If you have a school-aged child, you’ve most likely experienced the after-school restraint collapse. You know, the one where your kid is on their best behavior all day and then comes home and completely falls apart? Yeah, that one.
This collapse is completely normal! School is exhausting and it can only be expected that your child may have a meltdown as soon as you pick them up.
When this meltdown happens, it’s important to let your child decompress and regroup. Skip the playdates, the trip to the zoo, or a crowded grocery store after school. Instead, go home.
If you’re unsure how to go about helping your child out emotionally when you get home, let’s talk about it.
“I think it’s important to note that this collapse is different from a tantrum”
Why you should expect restraint collapse (and not take it personally)
As a parent, it is so easy to take anything your child does personally. This after-school restraint collapse is no different. You’ve been waiting all day to see your little one and can’t wait to get to hug them and find out everything about their day!
You go to pick them up and the second they see you they fly off the rails. Just as I mentioned earlier, this is NORMAL! Your child has had a long day. They have been working so hard to keep their behavior in check and follow all of the new rules they’ve had to learn. Not to mention, they’ve likely been overstimulated all day by their environment and being around so many other kids. They need to let it all out at some point, and since you are their safe space, you become the punching bag.
I think it’s important to note that this collapse is different from a tantrum. Yes, they are tired, ornery, and you feel terrible about it. They are experiencing an emotional overwhelm. Give them space, time, rest, and food.
For help supporting your child to cope with frustration, check out this blog post.
Have a nutrient-dense
snack ready
In the beginning days of school, your child most likely won’t eat much at lunchtime. Eating and drinking are social in nature, and children tend to just nibble until they are comfortable.
When they get home, they are going to be HUNGRY. And we all know that children (and even adults for that matter) can become angry when they need something to eat.
Prepare for this by being one step ahead and having a healthy snack ready for them as soon as they get home.
An easy way to prepare for this is by having some ready-to-go snacks already in the fridge so as soon as you get home it’s there waiting for them. Need some healthy snack ideas that are quick and easy? Try these:
- Veggies and hummus
- Apples and peanut butter
- Hard-boiled eggs
- Homemade trail mix
- Deli meat with cheese and crackers
“One of my favorite activities to suggest trying in the middle of the afternoon
is a bath.”
Sensory play is your friend
A fantastic way to help your child decompress is by introducing them to sensory play! Sensory play is beneficial in a lot of different ways, but in this instance, we are doing it for the calming factor.
One of my favorite activities to suggest trying in the middle of the afternoon is a bath. It may seem unconventional to draw a bath mid-day, but trust me. Throw in some bubbles and your kid’s favorite (bath-friendly) toys and let them soak and play. Not only will they love it, but it will help them unwind and you’ll have one less thing to worry about at bedtime - win-win!
Another great sensory play option is putting together a toy washing station! This takes less than 5 minutes to set up with items that you most likely already have laying around the house.
It’s important to let your child practice playing by themself! Individual play in general supports your kid in more ways than you can imagine. As they play solo, they relax and learn a sense of independence. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That sounds great, but my child won’t play with their toys for more than 5 minutes”, read this blog post for some ideas on how to get your child to play independently with the toys that they already have!
It can be overwhelming for both you and your child when it’s time for them to head to school. My Handbook for Starting Preschool was created for just this and is sure to provide a smooth transition for you and your little one.
For more support and tips related to this topic, join The Workspace for Children community on Instagram! Let’s parent together.
Hi, I’m Lizzie Assa, the founder of The Workspace for Children. I am a parenting strategist, play advocate, and a mom of three creative kids. I am ANTI perfectionist-parenting and all about that growth mindset! My goal is to help parents avoid burnout by bringing back play. Parenting burnout is the worst, and it doesn’t have to be that way. I am a child development nerd and I love open ended art and play. I love learning from children and creating art and play experiences to challenge their thinking. Prior to founding The Workspace for Children, I received an MsED from the Bank Street College of Education in NYC and taught nursery school in Manhattan.